tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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