drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
