White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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