u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
