he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The struggles of a small town man whore
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
