After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
