I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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