He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
