Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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