i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
