are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
