some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
