Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
