the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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