cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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