I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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