I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
