Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
