Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
