Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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