Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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