I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
