What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
