woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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