I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
