i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
