I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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