I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am midnight drunk by noon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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