So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.