I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties