omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records