Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the condom got lost in my hair
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...