i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.