So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?