it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night