we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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