Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck