Your tits are I can't wait for
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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