my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
