Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
