Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
