My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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