We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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