sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
