I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
