I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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