First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
