How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
