someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
