Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
