Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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