I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
