Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
