Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
