he shaved USA in his pubs
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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