girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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