So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.