Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten

(301): View more from Maryland

so glad i banged her when she was skinny

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(818): View more from California

to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people

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(512): View more from Texas

I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.

(573): View more from Missouri

Successful day.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

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(239): View more from Florida

all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut

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(309): View more from Illinois

I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.

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(801): View more from Utah

i regret nothing

(801): View more from Utah

brb throwing up in the dishwasher

(801): View more from Utah

i regret everything

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(330): View more from Ohio

While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.

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