I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister