how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just want nice things and good sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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