I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome