its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.