I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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