if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I puked a lego.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize