Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
