Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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