You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
