Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
