Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
