you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
