im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
