I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i believe in u and ur pee
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