Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
