Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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