Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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