he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
