I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
