Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
