walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
