I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we have pet lesbian snakes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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