I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
