you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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