I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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