Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
