I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
