There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
