It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
