brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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