he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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