just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
